5 Ways To Heal After a Traumatic Birth
Sometimes, the vision that we hold for our child’s birth doesn’t go quite as we imagined.
Usually, when we think about giving birth, we envision how happy we’ll feel when we finally get to hold our newborn.
To see that beautiful little face with the tiniest fingers and toes.
Tears of joy and relief that they’re here in your arms.
Your heart bursting with love.
These are our expectations, but it doesn’t always end up being our reality. Depending on what happens during labor and delivery, our unique birthing experience can trigger other emotions that are hard to prepare for...
Heartbreak.
Worry.
Anger.
Fear.
What Is a Traumatic Birth?
Birth trauma is defined as distress a mother feels before, during, and after childbirth. This can be physical and psychological in its manifestation, and as always, it never looks the same for everyone.
There are three factors to keep in mind when it comes to trauma:
How quickly (and urgently) did the situation change?
How much of the experience was life-threatening?
How overwhelmed and surprised were you by the process?
Suffering from birth injuries, giving birth to a preterm baby, pregnancy or birthing complications, or even any prior history of anxiety and depression can contribute to a traumatic birth experience.
These are extreme circumstances that can affect your view of motherhood right from the beginning.
Coming to terms with and recovering from a traumatic birth is challenging. Hear us when we say: you will recover. Here are some positive steps you can take to begin your healing journey.
1. Be Kind To Yourself
When we look back at our experience, it’s common to blame ourselves for the outcome, to ask “Was there anything I could’ve done differently?”
Mama, you cannot take responsibility for a situation that was largely out of your control. Do not judge yourself for what needs to happen for the health and safety of you and your baby.
Repeat after me:
My body did not fail me.
My trauma is real.
My feelings are 100% valid.
I am entitled to receive the help I need.
Your memories of that day and the trauma response that you now experience are worthy of careful attention. The more you process what happened and grieve the expectations that did not come to fruition, the easier you can accept your journey, and the sooner you will feel ready to move forward.
2. Learn About What Happened
Part of the healing process is understanding what happened to you during your birthing experience.
It might not be easy at first — and could potentially bring up unwanted and painful memories — but it’s a powerful step that can help validate your feelings.
If you’re comfortable speaking with your medical provider or midwife, these professionals will be able to paint a clearer picture of what happened during childbirth and any applicable underlying reasons.
(Please remember mama. When it comes to your health, be your own loudest and most supportive advocate. Trust your gut when you feel like you’re being dismissed or ignored, and move on to someone else that can truly support you in the way that you deserve.)
You can also do your research online, join postpartum support groups, or check out books or other resources on your particular condition or circumstance to gain more insights.
3. Seek Support (Both Emotional and Practical)
One of the most important things you can do during your time of healing is to acknowledge how your negative experience may be affecting your relationships.
Your partner may not be able to fully understand what you went through, and as a result, cannot offer the emotional support that you’re looking for.
It’s also quite possible that they experienced trauma in a completely different way:
Not knowing how to help you
Feeling powerless over the circumstances
Feeling angry over not knowing what to do or watching you suffer
Feeling guilty about the situation and their inability to shelter you from the trauma
The best thing to do is to have an honest conversation with your partner about what happened. The possibility of seeking emotional support together may be an essential step in creating a mutually beneficial support system at home.
It’s an undeniable fact that parenting changes your relationship. Opening up the lines of communication and practicing active listening can help foster a deeper connection with one another and avoid explosive arguments.
Another way your trauma may be manifesting is your ability to bond with your baby. You might feel disconnected or even resentful because of your traumatic experience.
You might feel the need to escape...
...the constant crying…
...the relentless demand for your presence…
...the overwhelm and exhaustion you feel…
...the intense loneliness…
We promise you it will get better.
If you’re not in love right away, that’s okay. It takes time to build a connection.
If you need help, call your loved ones that won’t hesitate to offer a helping hand.
And most importantly, take care of your needs. Your emotional health is a crucial part of your motherhood journey. If you don’t take care of yourself, it can have rippling effects on your baby, your partner, and your friends/family.
We encourage you to seek therapy or attend postpartum support groups. This type of emotional support makes a world of a difference during transitional times.
4. Give Yourself Time
It sounds completely cliche, but it’s true: time does help heal all wounds.
When you’re in the thick of newborn life and dealing with major life transitions, changing relationships, and emotional upheaval, it can be so damn hard to put yourself first.
To give yourself the time and space to heal...
To take the steps you need to feel like yourself again...
To make your mental health a priority...
Don’t feel like you need to rush to “get over it” in order to become a supermom. Or, ignore and push aside your incredibly valid feelings.
Time is your friend. Healing, both physically and emotionally, happens gradually, and this is okay.
You are not in a race. You do not need to prove anything to anyone. Take. Your. Time.
And remember, mama: a tumultuous beginning to your motherhood journey does not define you as a mother, nor does it set the stage for how the rest of your journey will be.
5. Reclaim Your Birth Story
Birth plans are a really beautiful way to outline and communicate your personal preferences during labor and delivery.
They allow you to feel in control by proactively curating your ideal environment that will support you both physically and emotionally.
You can spend hours, even weeks, dedicated to building the perfect plan, down to the songs and scents that fill the room as you work through contractions.
But oftentimes birth plans never really go according to plan...at all...
There’s always going to be something that vastly differs from your expectations. And for some mothers, this can be crushing, especially if it became the source of their trauma.
Part of your healing process means accepting what has happened to you, but not letting it define who you are.
You are not your trauma.
Reclaiming your birth story will help you realize how strong you really are, mama.
Here’s how you can do just that:
Share your experience with anyone who will listen. Breathing the words will help you feel in control and will help you process what happened.
Find meaning in what happened. Refocus on the fact that you birthed your baby, regardless of how, and trust that it needed to happen this way for the safety of both yourself and your little one.
Support others who might be struggling by sharing your story and finding community in mamas who’ve also had a rough start to motherhood can be a very powerful tool for healing and empowerment.
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Mama, as always, we love hearing from you.
And we want to remind you that we are here to serve as your safe space. If you’re struggling with a traumatic birth or powerful emotions in motherhood, we want to invite you to reach out to us.
You have a FREE consultation with Bloome.
We’re here as an essential part of your postpartum journey.
Book your consultation here.
Be well, mama.