7 Powerful Postpartum Emotions No One Talks About
The postpartum period can be full of unexpected emotions. It’s a delicate time of learning, discovery, and transformation. If we speak honestly, this part isn’t always filled with feelings of happiness.
And that’s completely okay, beautiful mama.
It’s important to honor your feelings and to acknowledge where you are in your journey. This path you’re on is uniquely yours.
I know how difficult it can be to bring up the side of motherhood that leaves us feeling vulnerable and exposed.
Don’t worry. This is your safe space. Let’s talk about some of the stronger emotions of postpartum without any fear of judgment.
Grief
Some days motherhood demands every inch of you, even if you aren’t prepared to give any more. But you know what? You do it anyway. Every. Single. Day.
These hard moments remind us of our old lives and the routines we didn’t think we’d miss.
Except that we do, and it’s the simple things that you begin to crave:
The ability to shower any time you wanted
To come home and just do whatever made you happy
To go to bed late and not worry about getting up in the middle of the night
Your freedom.
You’ve probably heard time and time again that you just need some time to adjust to your new normal. While true, it can be a very different experience when you’re going through this yourself.
Postpartum is a process. And part of that process is feeling the loss of something exclusive to you.
You’ll mourn the loss of your old life. You’ll mourn for the person you were before you had a baby. And you’ll yearn to have those days back.
But mama, understand that this doesn’t make you a bad mom.
Yes, we are building a whole new life that is at times chaotic and overwhelming, but you’ll start to find comfort in the budding routine that you’ve created with your family.
The old you is not gone. Never gone. Just making room for the woman you are becoming.
Resentment
Under certain circumstances, feelings of resentment can build towards the people that are close to you. Between healing from birth and your fluctuating hormones, the complete change to your life can be overwhelming.
It can feel like you alone are carrying the weight of all the responsibilities on your shoulders.
Your partner may still be able to get some rest while you’re up all hours of the night. They can maintain some semblance of their life, while you’re exhausted and in desperate need of a break.
You’d give anything to have the chance to go to the bathroom in peace.
Resentment can make you feel trapped, isolated, and unsupported. And it’s so common.
Be outspoken with your needs. Seize the chance of help when the offer is there. Most importantly, connect with your loved ones and be frank about the support you need.
Your future self will be so thankful you did.
Anger
This emotion can be just as surprising as it is disconcerting, especially for mamas who normally don’t struggle with intense bouts of frustration.
In moments of quiet distress, the amount of anger that bubbles up to the surface can make you feel on the verge of exploding.
In my first few weeks at home with the baby, I found myself so easily irritated. There was an endless list of things that bothered me. Everything from unwashed dishes to a messy living room.
In hindsight, they were small issues. But for me, it was overwhelming. I felt like I was being buried under the responsibility to get everything done. In my eyes, I had expectations of myself that I didn’t meet.
It was humbling at best and infuriating at worst.
And the result? The anger I felt was so strong, it actually shocked me. It was like watching someone else because that couldn’t have been me.
It’s important to recognize that anger is a sign that your needs aren’t being met.
Taking some time to recenter yourself is so crucial. Recognize when it’s time to step away (if you can do so safely) and take a few deep breaths.
Listen to what your body is trying to tell you. It’s not easy to admit that we’re struggling, but it’s totally okay to lean on your support system - your OBGYN, primary physician, friends, family, or your therapist - for extra help.
Shame
“Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.” - Barbara Kingsolver
Before you gave birth, you probably dreamed about how motherhood was going to be. Your body would bounce right back, you’d be able to effortlessly breastfeed, manage your household with ease, have a happy, bubbly baby all while nurturing a healthy relationship with your partner.
But sometimes, reality can look quite different:
Your body doesn’t quite look the same
There were so many unanticipated challenges with breastfeeding
You’re having more fights with your partner
It took more time than you expected to bond with your baby
For all your efforts, a little voice whispers...You did something wrong. This was not how it was supposed to be.
The shame that follows is so debilitating. It can feel like you’ve completely failed.
Mama, I just want to let you know that while you are a badass Wonder Woman, you’re also human. We are mothers in the face of so many different challenges - especially now in isolation - and we persevere anyway.
We don’t love our children any less when we want a break or time away from them. You are allowed to feel the struggles of motherhood.
You’re an amazing mother. When that little voice creeps up on you again, it’s helpful to remember that you are exactly who your baby needs.
Doubt
During my pregnancy, I found myself reading a few books in preparation for the baby’s arrival. I watched YouTube videos of these beautiful, glowing mamas giving their top 10 recommendations on every baby product imaginable and all their tips and tricks for a newborn.
I attended the classes and took diligent notes. I was 100% ready.
Then baby arrived. And all that knowledge went right out the window.
I second-guessed everything I did. I relied heavily on the guidance of others. It was like I never spent all those hours preparing myself. I was drowning in self-doubt wondering why my instincts weren’t kicking in.
Here’s the truth. You’re learning and growing from all the different lessons that life with a child offers up to you.
It isn’t always going to be picture-perfect. And comparing yourself to other mamas isn’t fair to you.
From one mama to another, you’re not always going to know what to do. You’re not always going to have the answer for everything. This motherhood gig is no joke. It’s tough and the course isn’t linear.
We just need to allow ourselves extra space for grace and kindness. You’re doing so much more than you give yourself credit for.
Fear
In motherhood, you experience love as you’ve never known it. You’d do anything to protect that perfect smile from your tiny human.
With all the love you’ve gained comes a new set of fears.
Fear for their health
Fear that something bad will happen when you’re not there
Fear of failure
Your worries can send you into a panic some days.
Your heart is deeply fragile right now. Anything can and will trigger your anxieties.
I promise you’ll feel more confident as you grow into your role as a new mom. Your fears are totally understandable. There’s a whole community of mothers out there that share your same fears. Just remember that you’re not alone in this.
Overwhelm
Overwhelm is a culmination of all these emotions. You have a million relentless thoughts, yet you can hardly think straight.
You’re so burnt out that it becomes hard to function.
Deep in your heart, you know that this is too much.
We’ve all been there.
It’s time to trust your gut. As many as 1 in 8 women experience symptoms of Postpartum Depression. But too often do we wait until we’re at our breaking point to admit we need relief.
Mama, it’s time to say YES to prioritizing your mental health.
No matter what you’re feeling, please know that you’re not alone. You can be in love with your baby, and still experience the full breadth of emotions.
You have support in your corner. Always.
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You got this, mama.